DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Is it a mistake to have separate bedrooms when you start off as a couple? My boyfriend and I are great sexually, but I can’t get to sleep lying beside the guy. He snores, and I holler at him to stop, but he could sleep through a tornado. He refuses to use a mouth guard or get help from a doctor, as he says it’s “normal” for a man to snore.
We’re moving in together in July, and I want us to have our own bedrooms, so I can sleep. My interfering mother just took me aside and told me it destroys a couple’s intimacy if they each have their own bedroom. Do you agree with her?
— In Love with My “Snoreball,” Tuxedo
Dear In Love: Married people in certain cultures and religions sometimes have adjacent bedrooms. The couples are not stuck being together in bed every single night, even when they are exhausted, if their partner is snoring or they’d just prefer to stay awake and watch TV. Some couples make the experience sexier by decorating their respective bedrooms in their own style.
What about adjacent bedroom romantic etiquette? People actually knock and request to join their partner — there’s no barging in. Not surprisingly, people often feel excited when they hear a sexy knock, and it keeps the romance new.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I suspect my new neighbor — in his early 30s — is building a party palace in his backyard. This weekend, he and his buddies have brought in a big gazebo and put it on one side of his deck. Then two big guys carried in the stand up bar. Then they started climbing ladders and stringing the trees with hundreds of lights. I could see all this happening from our upstairs window.
They were drinking beer and playing loud music when they finally hauled in big stacks of chairs. I saw a drum and two guitar cases. It looks like there’s going to be a bunch of parties in that yard, and starting soon. Nothing worse than a bunch of yahoos next door!
My husband asked them if someone was getting married in the backyard and the house owner told him, “Not if we can help it!”
I admit we live on a kind of semi-rural part of the city, but that doesn’t protect us from bad neighbors and their invasive noise. I’m sure there’s big trouble coming this summer. I just want to march over and set things straight right now.
My husband says, “Wait until there’s actually a party to complain about before you set us up as enemies.”
What do you think? I will call the police if I have to.
— Anxious With Good Cause, Charleswood
Dear Anxious: The neighbor and his friends are going to a lot of trouble and expense. What you witnessed was preparation for a fancy party, even if it’s not a wedding. It may be a family celebration, or a small live concert.
If you’re pleasant, you and your husband may be invited to part or all of this special event, and to others under the stars. But if you set yourself up as enemies, you won’t be invited to anything. Worse, the homeowner will never be sympathetic to requests to turn down the music.
Don’t start a war over nothing. If you’re going on holidays this summer, tell the neighbor when, and they might schedule a party then that won’t bother you at all. Invite a friend or relative to babysit your house that night, just for security’s sake and so you can relax on holiday.
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.
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